Kingdom Songbook

The Kingdom has a great many beautiful, haunting songs composed by brilliant musicians.

And then there’s the ones written by the patrols…

If you have a song to add to the songbook, email the committee or the webadmins.


The Tree Druid’s Song

Sung spontaneously after Lennox ‘Bones’ McForester ended up on the plane of musicals. Sung to the tune of The Major-General’s Song (in a mild Highland accent).

I am the very model of a druid who’s arboreal,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the turn of seasons and matters meteorological
From summer through to winter, the power’s astronomical,
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters theological,
I cast from the trees and plants in fashion ceremonial
But the most important thing I know in the Kingdom Baronies,
Is to know from a to z the names of all the trees.

There’s apple, hornbeam, whitebeam, maple, larch and douglas fir
And oak and box and holly, pear tree, conifer and juniper
There’s horse chestnut, sweet chestnut, hazel, beech and climbing vine
Also rowan, alder, hawthorn, privet hedge and mountain pine
There’s eldar, cedar, spruce and plane, dogwood and the service tree
And blackthorn, whitethorn, buckthorn, wych elm and green ivy
There’s silver birch, copper birch, yew, aspen and mahogany
And finally willow, poplar, lime, mountain ash and the cherry tree

These are the only trees we know from east coast to the west
There may be a hundred others but we haven’t met the rest

I forgot sycamore…


The Lacflay Family

Spontaneously sung by Tyrion Lacflay after ending up on the plane of musicals. To the tune of The Addams Family.

They’re creepy and they’re kooky
Mysterious and spooky
They’re all together ooky
The Lacflay family

Two are spellsword casters
At combat they’d be masters
If the guild wasn’t a disaster
The Lacflay family

One thinks he’s the coolest
Casting from every school list
He’s really quite the tool – ist
The Lacflay family

The light mage makes the grog
And the guard is a such a snob
But he’s the only one with a job
The Lacflay family

The last two in the Tower
They claim obsessed with power
But we’ve never seen them dour
The Lacflay family


I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) – McReekie Edition

Spontaneously sung after the McReekies ended up on the plane of musicals.

When I wake up, well, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who wakes up to slay with you
When I go out, yeah, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who patrols along with you
If I get drunk, well, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver, hey, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s havering with you

But we would walk five hundred miles
And we would walk five hundred more
Just to be the men who bought our caber home
And fell down on the floor

When I’m fighting, yes, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s fighting hard with you
And when the rumours comes in from the work I do
I’ll pass almost every rumour on to you
When we go home (When we go home), oh, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes back home with you
And if I get cold, well, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s getting cold with you

But I would slay five hundred foes
And I would slay five hundred more
Just to be the man who slayed a thousand foes
And bought that caber to our door

Hairy Caber! (Hairy Caber!), Hairy Caber! (Hairy Caber!)
Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da
Hairy Caber! (Hairy Caber!), Hairy Caber! (Hairy Caber!)
Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da

When I’m sleeping, well, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s sleeping near to you.
And when I’m dreaming, well, I know I’m gonna dream
I’m gonna dream about the caber being back at home
When I go out (When I go out), well, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who patrols along with you
And when we go home (When we go home), yes, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes back home with you
I’m gonna be the man who’s going home with you

But we would walk five hundred miles
And we would slay five hundred foes
Just to be the men who found our caber
And ended our clan’s woes


A Whole New World (For Team Scout)

Spontaneously sung as a result of the Rybek Pass scouting corps stepping through into a plane of musicals. Sung to the tune of A Whole New World.

We can show you the world
Shining, shimmering splendid
Tell me, party, now when did
You last let your scouts decide!

We can open your eyes
Take you encounter by encounter
Over sideways and under
On a tracking, scouting ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or drain us of our healing

A whole new world
A dazzling place you never knew
But when you’re way up here
It’s crystal clear
That now you’re out and roaming with the scouts
(Now you’re out and roaming with the scouts)

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feelings
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless forest land

A whole new world
(Don’t you dare close your eyes)
A hundred thousand things to see
(Hold your breath it gets better)

I’m like a shooting star
I’ve come so far
I can’t go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
(Every turn a surprise)
With new horizons to pursue
(Every monster, rec-creature!)

You’ll chase them anywhere
There’s time to spare
Sharing what Team Scout has found for you

A whole new world
(A whole new world)
Out with Team Scout
(Out with Team Scout)

A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For all us three


One Night in Waygate

Sung to the tune of One Night in Bangkok.

Waygate, independent city,
Van Heusen’s less than welcoming committee
The creme de la creme of The Kingdom in a
Delegation of beginners

Time flies, doesn’t seem a minute
Since the Vale of Tyr had patrollees in it
New year! Don’t you know that when you
Start to patrol there’s no ordinary venue

See Ludshire or the Borderlands or Nykrull or
Or this place!

One night in Waygate and the world’s your oyster
The bars are temples and the fun’s for free
You’ll find a god in alley, wood and cloister
Ready to instruct you in their mystery
I can feel Lord Stonebrow weighing up to me

One town’s very like another
When the world’s breaking into pieces, brother

It’s a fright, it’s a war, it’s getting quite gritty
When the Ack come and try to set fire to the city

Whaddya mean? Ya save one angry, ungrateful, fearful town…

Joy’s priests, warm, sweet
Some are set up in the barracks on Broad Street

Get lost! You’re talking to patrollees
Too busy fighting off the banshees
I place my blows above the waistline, sunshine

One night in Waygate makes a Master humble
Not much between Despair and poor Mercy
One night in Waygate and Defenders tumble
Can’t be too careful with your company
I can feel the Warlord walking next to me

Waygate’s gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of deific fitness
This grips me more than might a
Wizard gone rogue or demonic fighter

And thank Rest I’m only watching the Guard
Not enrolled in it

I don’t see you guys fighting
The kind of drow Menhir’s inviting
The Plague Lady, she will infect you
But the gods we have, they may protect you

So you better go back to your towers, your temples, your dusty arenas…

One night in Waygate and the world’s your oyster
The bars are temples and the fun’s for free
You’ll find a god in alley, wood and cloister
And every Champion down in history
I can feel Judgement watching over me

One night in Waygate makes a Guardian humble
Not much between Despair and poor Mercy
One night in Waygate and the Marshals stumble
Can’t be too careful with your company
I can feel Lord Menhir walking next to me


Fort Winston Montage

The 36 hour Pre-encounter Dream Sequence experienced by Fort Winston Patrollees before they set out to kill The Stealer. Sung to the tune of the Galavant Recap Song (season 2, episode 9).

The plot is gaining steam
So now to set the scene
Here’s what’s been happening in Fort Winston!

The new patrollees came
and they were in the frame
to stop the stealer and his demon minions
They fought to save the day
And then set out to slay
The Secret Slasher, curbing his dominion
And they found a temple dark and gloopy
that nearly sent them all quite loopy
Then,
The Demon Statues Moved
Morale did not improve
Which brings us on to Mr Sparkles

Our heroes plowed ahead
and Contract’s very dead
And Mr Sparkles’ sword was very shiny
The Stonefists came up hill
and Murdered Turner’s Mill
surviving villagers were really whiny
Plus the orcs set up a large encampment
With a campwide strong enchantment
so!
To war the party went!
The stonefists soon were spent!
with seven dead from Fort Winston!

Bodd then went rogue and threw in their lot
with BagFace and company
and caused destruction
People got stolen, their power ripped out
Then was found by our brave group
second temple filled with gloop
And deep inside the trap instruction

And now they have the orb,
the death branch and the sword,
the scroll has now completely been translated,
They’re off to set the trap
And have a mighty scrap
For the third temple now has been located
Gosh! So much to dump upon your doormat
In our week-end event format
Still
There’s plot holes we must fill
And though I doubt we will
We’re gonna try in Fort Winston!


O’er the Hills

O’er the hills and o’er the main
The Exiles stand to fight again
The Prince commands and we obey
Over the hills and far away

There’s 40 groats upon the drum
For those who’re brave enough to come
To ’list and fight our foes today
Over the hills and far away

O’er the hills and o’er the main
The Exiles stand to fight again
The Prince commands and we obey
Over the hills and far away

We raise our flags against the dark
To fight and not to yield our hearts
For those at home who can but pray
Over the hills and far away

O’er the hills and o’er the main
The Exiles stand to fight again
The Prince commands and we obey
Over the hills and far away

Now we may fall in battle fierce
’Gainst enemies both fell and weird
Yet stand to fight another day
Over the hills and far away

O’er the hills and o’er the main
The Exiles stand to fight again
The Prince commands and we obey
Over the hills and far away

Though battles we fight far away
At home our hearts shall still remain
So let the drums and pipers play
Over the hills and far away

O’er the hills and o’er the main
The Exiles stand to fight again
The Prince commands and we obey
Over the hills and far away
We’ll be ready come what may
Over the hills and far away


The Good Ship Lollipop

The joint winning entry from the good ship Lollipop at the Hexannual Pirate Games, AE115. Written by Warden Cpl. Blayz, performed by the entire crew, to the tune of What Shall We Do With A Drunken Sailor?

On the Good Ship Lollipop we set sail
With a crew that is strong and hail
And mostly we are green as well
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Hooray and up she rises x 3
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Our brave captain’s called Glamoria
She’s a valiant half-orc warrior
Though not welcome in Arboria
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Chorus

My name is Blayz and I’m the First Mate
I’m a mage you see and I can radiate
And I’m quite used to druid hate
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Chorus

Varog here is our ship’s surgeon
He’ll have your kidneys in a moment
He will see that death is certain
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Chorus

Now here we have the mighty G’Mord
Who is quite handy with his big sword
Though of his war stories we’re all quite bored
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Chorus

This chap here his name is Bert
He’s the one to go to if we’re hurt
Else he’ll make you eat the dirt
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Chorus

Our bosun’s Grogg and he’s a Seeker
Befriended a medusa and he’s here to meet her
Making it more petrifying in Port Pilchard
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Chorus

So Simon’s last – our token pinkskin
Not that we needed any of them to win
But G’Mord insisted so he was let in
On the Good Ship Lollipop

Chorus


The Lament of the Mizzenmast

The joint winning entry from the good ship Not-A-Boat at the Hexannual Pirate Games, AE115. Written by Alto-hechicero Gonzalo Mendoza de Vega, performed by Marshal Anaesthesia Morgan, to the tune of Spanish Ladies.

As I was a-drinking in a bar in Port Pilchard
A fair buxom lassie came a-walking my way
A-smiling and flirting
My mizzenmast was risen fast
And the next thing I knew I was ploughing the waves!

As I was a deck-hand on a ship out of Pilchard
A fair buxom mermaid came a-singing my name
A-smiling and flirting
My mizzenmast was risen fast
And the next thing I knew I was under the waves!

So listen young sailors to this warning I give you
If a fair buxom lassie comes walking your way
A-smiling and flirting
Your mizzenmast may be risen fast
But don’t let that stop you from running away!


(Patrollin’ in a) Winter Wonderland

A traditional wintertime ditty

Goblins scream, are you listnin’?
In the lane, blood is glistnin’.
A heart-breaking sight,
We’re busy tonight,
Patrollin’ in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is the brave knight,
Here to stay is the grave Wight.
He sings a rude song,
As we go along,
Patrollin’ in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we will fight a snowman,
Who pretends that he is farmer Brown.
He’ll say, “Give me your soul!”
We’ll say, “No, man!”
“But we can job you up when you’re in town.”

Later on we’ll conspire,
As we sit by the fire.
To really defy
The plans that we spy,
Patrollin’ in a winter wonderland.


The Rhythm of the Music

Transcribed by Tully of Clan Bashaldo

Let me lead you high
Let me lead you low
Let me lead you to the river
Where the water does flow
We’ll follow it about
And we’ll follow it around
We’ll all keep following the song

And we’ll dance with the shadows
And we’ll dance with the trees
And we’ll sing with the water
And we’ll sing with the breeze
The rhythm of the music carries on

Let me lead you to the woods
Catch a glance of the fae
We can watch them frolic
We can watch them play
I’ll show you the sights
And the magic that is there
And then you’ll see it everywhere

And we’ll dance with the shadows
And we’ll dance with the trees
And we’ll sing with the water
And we’ll sing with the breeze
The rhythm of the music carries on

Let me lead you to the hills
To the highest peak
Where the air’s so pure
It will make you weak
You’ll be king of the world
You’ll believe you could soar
And you’ll have that feeling ever more

And we’ll dance with the shadows
And we’ll dance with the trees
And we’ll sing with the water
And we’ll sing with the breeze
The rhythm of the music carries on
And on, and on and on and on


Nothing Ever Happens

Sung to the tune of Nothing Ever Happens by Del Amitri

Temple front clerks put up signs saying position closed
And High Masters lock away weapons and put on their cloaks
Town watchmen padlock the gates
For late duty Guards to patrol
And patrolees go to the taverns to drink
While civilians hurry to get home

And they’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Gentlemen time please, you know we can’t serve anymore
Now our commander sends us out, when there’s nowhere to go
And by five o’clock everything’s dead
And every patrol is a drag
And innocent people sleep in their beds
Like the doped white mice in the temple lab

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The minstrel returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Fanatical Marshals preach while there’s nobody there
The Nykrull could land at the dockside and no one would care
Suffering villagers all over the world tell the same story every day
And the stars of these tales neither die nor get killed
Just survive constant action replay

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The minstrel returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Market stalls advertise products that nobody needs
While angry from Lannister writes to complain about
All of the goblins he sees
And Barony bureaucrats report some gains
On the values of copper and tin
While competing noblemen snap up more land
For the price of a hospital wing

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The minstrel returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
They’ll burn down the Capital at six o’clock
And we’ll all go along like before

And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow


An Ode to the Baron

By Idaho Smith, On the Occasion of the Baron’s Official Birthday in the year 113AE.
Winner in the competition for Poet Laureate.

Let me vouchsafe just between us,
Too much Order is really quite heinous.
The Baron doth favour
A more Life-y flavour
Dispensed with the aid of his
Large body of men under arms.

Forgive me for being so blunt,
But the Baron is fond of a hunt
For those of his foes
With whom he’s come to blows.
I’m sure they think he’s a
Complete gentleman who takes good care of his land and people.

So though perhaps I may hanker
For a land without so much rancour,
I’m glad that I may
Stand up here and say
I really don’t think he’s a
Bad sort at all, really.


Battle Hymn of the Barony

(To the Tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic)

By Lena, On the Occasion of the Baron’s Official Birthday in the year 113AE.
Runner up in the competition for Poet Laureate.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the Baron our noble Lord,
His Defenders trample enemies and put them to the sword,
In his mighty warehouses a thousand shields are stored,
His truth is marching on.

I have seen his mages light the fires of a hundred camps,
They have built Towers and a Circle, always ready to advance.
They will call down power whene’er they have the chance,
His day is marching on.

His priests read a firey gospel writ in books of steel,
Forever will their temples stand against Outsider’s zeal,
They are glorious heroes who will crush evil under heel,
The Baron marches on.

His Gladiators shall never call for a retreat,
His Druids lend support from before natures seat,
His Paladins are swift and have never known defeat,
Our Baron marches on.

His Humact hunt undead, wherever they may be,
Enemies of the Drow are his proud Illuminati.
His Bladesingers have sworn they will die to keep elves free,
While the Baron marches on.

Barbarians and Amazons are mighty, true and brave,
They have come to join him over land and over wave,
He is very grateful for all the lives they save,
Our Baron is marching on.


The Necromancy Dance

To the tune of The Hokey Cokey

You put the Bad Soul in
You take the Good Soul out
Soul in,
Soul out,
You twist it all about.
You do the Necromancy and you Raise them up,
That’s what it’s all about.

Oooh the Necromancy,
Oooh the Necromancy,
Oooh the Necromancy,
Steal them all from the Plane-of-tortured-Souls


The Gnome King’s Challenge

As part of the trials set by the Gnome King, the IRS were challenged to come up with a song to the tune of ‘Pop Goes The Weasel’. Thyrian Fireheart stood to the challenge.

Here we come to sing for you, to try to free our people.
Keep them safe and free from harm, deliver them from evil.
With half an orc, and half an elf, and warriors aplenty,
Priests and mages, scouts and more…even bardic gentry.

The king, he has a glorious court, a fine array around him.
He even has a very fine crown, a ring of bells surrounds him.
So, mighty king, we come to you to barter for their freedom.
Receive our little song with joy…and if you will, release them.


A Healer’s Song for Midwinter

By Anders

To the tune of “Merry Christmas Everyone”

Patrollees falling, all around me!
Got to save them, every one!
There’s a problem – I’m all out of standing!
Someone help us, anyone?

At this point, Anders got distracted by something shiny. Thank gods.


A poem for Labyrinth.

By Travesty

Sung to the the tune of “Portal – Still Alive”

This was a triumph.
I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Anarchic justice.
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us.

Except the ones who are dead.

But there’s no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the killing gets done.
And I’ll make a neat pun
For the people who are still alive.

I’m not even angry.
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and feared me.

And slashed me to pieces.
And threw every one into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because…

I was so happy for you!

Now, this patch of scorching make a beautiful line.
And we’re out of standing. We’ll be praying on time.
So I’m glad I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
from the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you.

Maybe Blackwing…
THAT WAS A JOKE, HA HA, FAT CHANCE.
Anyway this cake is great.

It’s so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking when there’s killing to do.
When I look out there it makes me glad I’m not you.
I’ve Ceremonies to run
There is torture to be done
On the people who are still alive.

And believe me I am still alive.
I’m making items and I’m still alive.
I feel fantastic and I’m still alive
But while I’m dying you’ll be still alive
And when I’m dead you will be still alive.

Still alive.

Still alive.


Scaffold Man

Sung to the tune of ‘The Chemical Workers Song’ by Great Big Sea

And it’s go boys, go.
You’re his ’til your last breath
And every day you served the man was dicing with your death,
But you go…

Well a Scaffold man am I, and I’m telling you no lie;
I worked with the poor bastards who were sent out there to die.
There was blood and death surrounding me, and madness in the air,
And you didn’t need you conscience, ‘cos the Baron didn’t care.

And it’s go boys, go.
You’re his ’til your last breath
And every day you served the man was dicing with your death,
But you go…

I killed the poor and innocent, I never felt so low,
But he held my life so tightly that I didn’t dare say no.
I killed defenceless children, and I watched their mothers burn,
And the memories of their screams and cries still make my stomach turn.

And it’s go boys, go.
You’re his ’til your last breath
And every day you served the man was dicing with your death,
But you go…

I had my pay withheld when the relationship turned sour,
But orders kept on coming; we kept killing by the hour.
In time, you just got numb to it; the blood would leave no stain.
We all did what we had to do to live in Scaffold’s reign.

And it’s go boys, go.
You’re his ’til your last breath
And every day you served the man was dicing with your death,
But you go…

Oh blessed day, when orders finally came through from on high.
They’d had enough of Scaffold; ‘twas the Baron’s turn to die.
We found him and his high master hiding in their keep in fear,
And killed them in the two most welcome murders of the year.

And it’s go boys, go.
You’re his ’til your last breath
And every day you served the man was dicing with your death,
But you go…

It’s over now, and we’ve come home to try to start again.
We’re ordered to forget, to say we never were his men,
But I still have to thank my faith and luck to have survived…
…to be one of the few that Baron Scaffold left alive!

And it’s go boys, go.
You’re his ‘til your last breath
And every day you served the man was dicing with your death,
But you go boys, go.
You’re his ’til your last breath
And every day you served the man was dicing with your death,
But you go…


Chicken-Wing Song

The annual Barony singing contest has a new winner. As sung by ‘Some Flouncy Tit With A Rapier’ it’s the Chicken-Wing Song:

Chick-chick-chicken wi-i-ing!

Sneeking through the wood (chick chick chicken)
Finger lickin good (chick chick chicken)
Armed with deady knives (chick chick chiken)
And 12 herbs and spies[ces] (chick chick chicken)

It is chicken wiiiiiiinnnnggggg!
Chicky chicky chick chick – stab stab
Chicky chicky chick chick – SLASH SLASH SLASH
Chicky chicky chick chick – ReH ReH ReH ReH [from psycho]
Chicky chicky chicky chicky
Chicky chicky chicky chicky
Chick chick CHICKEN WING! ……SSSSHhhhhhhh!

Striking from behind (chick chick chicken)
Like his foes are blind cChick chick chicken)
Never sleeps or reasts [shut up – I know its a crap rhyme] (chick chick chicken)
Its a family feast (chick chick chicken)

It is chicken wiiiiiiinnnnggggg!

GO SOLO!

[Guitar solo]

It is chicken wiiiiiiinnnnggggg!
Chicky chicky chick chick – stab stab
Chicky chicky chick chick – SLASH SLASH SLASH
Chicky chicky chick chick – ReH ReH ReH ReH [from psycho]
Chicky chicky chicky chicky
Chicky chicky chicky chicky
Chick chick CHICKEN WING! ……SSSSHhhhhhhh!


The Heroes of the Barony

Sung to the tune of ‘English Country Garden’

How many heroes can we see when we’re watching in the Barony
I’ll tell you now of some that I know, those I miss will surely shout at me
First he comes with shield and sword
It’s that big half-orc G’Mord
Leading from the front with his loud, loud voice
He guards and protects the Barony Patrol
He’s a hero of the Barony

How many heroes can we see when we’re watching in the Barony
I’ll tell you now of some that I know, those I miss will surely shout at me
Here she comes with balls of fire,
watch the flames go higher and higher
Mara’s lust for power goes on and on
She’s a high elven mage and all would agree
She’s a hero of the Barony

How many heroes can we see when we’re watching in the Barony
I’ll tell you now of some that I know, those I miss will surely shout at me
Next we have the freedom priest
No wait he’s a mage right now
Wasn’t he a scout? Heck I don’t know
It is Kendal the something – Heck I don’t care
He’s a hero of the Barony

How many heroes can we see when we’re watching in the Barony
I’ll tell you now of some that I know, those I miss will surely shout at me
Drain life 20, heal wounds 4
Blesses, dex and lots lots more
In She’lagh’s name Lomax fights all the more,
Druids run from his sight, though, he’s alright
He’s a hero of the Barony

How many heroes can we see when we’re watching in the Barony
I’ll tell you now of some that I know, those I miss will surely shout at me
Mending limbs and fixing bones,
Mathonwy never ever groans,
Not even when he has to heal Mad Jim
He is all out for justice, and Cwfyandir
He’s hero of the Barony

How many heroes can we see when we’re watching in the Barony
I’ll tell you now of some that I know, those I miss will surely shout at me
Biscuit is a lovely pope,
mocking all the boring folk
making people ill with his vile coloured cloak,
He is, no she is, no he is, wait no-one knows,
It’s hero of the Barony

How many heroes can we see when we’re watching in the Barony
I’ll tell you now of some that I know, those I miss will surely shout at me
Jim McFeegle rages on
Inept by nature, mad by name,
Fighting for the love of an elven mage,
He is strong, he is loud, he is well endowd
He’s a hero of the Barony.

They are Heroes of the Barony


Illson’s Song

If you should face a stronger foe,
When far ahead on your own,
Your duty is to report, not die:
Turn and run for home.

If when locked in conflict foul,
The fighting is not going well,
A warrior’s place is to take the hits -
You turn and run like hell!

Chorus:
Run, run, my friends! A Pathfinder’s life is for me!
Death Knights and Mages,
Barbarian rages,
And falling beneath a damn tree!

If first to fall is the fighter,
The second should not be the scout.
The priest and the mage may taste of the blade,
But Pathfinders get the hell out.

Humans are stopped by a “Freeze”,
“Entangle” keeps skeletons pinned.
But there is no spell that works half as well,
As to turn and run like the wind!

Run, run, my friends! A Pathfinder’s life is for me!
Death Knights and Mages,
Barbarian rages,
And falling beneath a damn tree!

We can scout and patrol and report.
Rec every fell creature in sight.
But once swords are drawn our work here is done,
Let somebody else stand and fight!

If first to die is the Guard,
The scout should not stay to see.
Being thoroughly mangled’s a warrior’s angle,
The Pathfinder’s lot is to flee!

Run, run, my friends! A Pathfinder’s life is for me!
Death Knights and Mages,
Barbarian rages,
And falling beneath a damn tree!


Mara’s Song

Sung to the tune of ‘Burn Baby Burn’ by Kanna Ash

You’re what I have to make me great
Your mighty power of potent magics
The mana flow that pulls me on
Destructive force, sweet ecstasy
Obliteration brings rebirth
In the swirling vortex I loose myself
Almost to the point of no return
Everything will burn baby burn

Look into my flaming eyes
See someone you don’t recognise
The primal force of fire’s might
Brings nations down, creates new worlds
Power that I can’t disguise
Yet even this flaming glory can’t save me
Oh something inside has died

You walk like you’re in a daze
Though I think that’s a barbarian rage
Mindless violence directed a me
That memory leaves a bitter taste
Yet with you I feel a strange rapport
But can I give you what you seek?
Destructive love is all we have
Destructive love is all I am

Look into my flaming eyes
See someone you don’t recognise
The primal force of fire’s might
Brings nations down, creates new worlds
Power that I can’t disguise
Yet even this flaming glory can’t save me
Oh something inside has died

High-elven magic words
Center the mana and bring it forth
Leaving destruction in my wake
The spirit of flame
That burns in my heart
Yeah, we are spiralling on the breeze
Almost to the point of no return
Everything will burn baby burn

Look into my flaming eyes
See someone you don’t recognise
The primal force of fire’s might
Brings nations down, creates new worlds
Power that I can’t disguise
Together, you and I could blaze
Like a like a comet through this Age!


Silvanus’ Song

Sung to the tune of ‘Lean On Me’ by Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
They all have leaves,
but, if we are wise,
we know that theres,
always the trees…

Lean on trees
When your not strong,
and they’ll heal your wounds
they’ll help you carry on,
for, it wont be long
till I’m gonna need,
someone to sing along!

Please swallow your pride
If they have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don’t tell the trees

You just call on them brother,
If you need some sticks,
We all need, a tree to lean on!
You just might have a problem,
that they can help fix,
we all need, a tree to lean on!

Lean on trees
When your not strong,
and they’ll heal your wounds
they’ll help you carry on,
for, it wont be long
till I’m gonna need,
someone to sing along!

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
They’re alongside the road
They’ll share your load
If you just call a tree


High Master Vortex’s Christmas Carol

[It’s snowing in the Barony and a black clad figure leaps through the sparkling midnight streets…]

What’s this? What’s this?
There’s color everywhere
What’s this?
There’s white things in the air
What’s this?
I can’t believe my eyes
I must be dreaming
Wake up, Vortex, this isn’t fair
What’s this?

What’s this? What’s this?
There’s something very wrong
What’s this?
There are people singing songs

What’s this?
The streets are lined with
Little creatures laughing
Everybody seems so happy
Have I possibly gone daffy?
What is this?
What’s this?

There are children throwing snowballs here
instead of throwing heads
They’re busy building toys
And absolutely no one’s dead

There’s frost on every window
Oh, I can’t believe my eyes
And in my bones I feel the warmth
That’s coming from inside

Oh, look
What’s this?
They’re hanging mistletoe, they kiss
Why that looks so unique, inspired
They’re gathering around to hear a story
Roasting chestnuts on a fire
What’s this?
What’s this?

In here they’ve got a little tree, how queer
And who would ever think
And why?

They’re covering it with tiny little things
They’ve got electric lights on strings
And there’s a smile on everyone
So, now, correct me if I’m wrong
This looks like fun
This looks like fun
Oh, could it be I got my wish?
What’s this?

Oh my, what now?
The children are asleep
But look, there’s nothing underneath
No ghouls, no witches here to scream and scare them
Or ensnare them, only little cozy things
Secure inside their dreamland
What’s this?

The monsters are all missing
And the nightmares can’t be found
And in their place there seems to be
Good feeling all around

Instead of screams, I swear
I can hear music in the air
The smell of cakes and pies
Is absolutely everywhere

The sights, the sounds
They’re everywhere and all around
I’ve never felt so good before
This empty place inside of me is filling up
I simply cannot get enough

I want it, oh, I want it
Oh, I want it for my own
I’ve got to know
I’ve got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What is this?
Christmas Town? hmm…

Ahem…
Now where did I put my sword, that “Jolly” fool won’t escape this year. The cretin has gone too far this time…